Jacob was left alone; and a man wrestled with him until daybreak
- Genesis 32:24
Jacob wrestled with the Divine and lost his identity. That was the blessing. For the past several years, I too have been losing my identity. The Bible is that Man in the Night for me. I'm a grad student in Biblical Studies at one those innumerable Old-Money/New-Doctrine seminaries dotting the East Coast. I'm not a big fan of theology. I came for the history, the Hebrew, the Greek. I wanted to know what happened. Perhaps now I'm wishing I didn't know. The concrete, simple faith of my childhood has been weakening, my Christian identity squeezed and grappled by this thing called the Bible. The horrors, the history, the textual criticism--I still believe the Bible is somehow the Word of God, but I'm not sure how. It stands before me, ever in the form of a human. And yet, there's something more to it. I want to be blessed, yes, but more than anything I want to know: who are you? I know that was Jacob's question and it was never answered: he lost his identity, but the Man never did. I'm not sure how long this night on the riverbank will last (probably the next six or so years I'll be in graduate school), but I'm certain it will leave me forever changed.